Why do people lie?
To commence with the first sort of episode in this blog series, I'll start by illustrating my thoughts and findings on a question posed by a friend. This was a question a friend asked on their status once and it got me thinking. I felt compelled to reply and I thought I'd share what I said and why. I'm going to insert exactly how the conversation went.
(I'll also ask a couple of friends and share their responses with you :)
This is how it all started.
Friend on status: Why do people lie
Me: Because people are dumb and don't deserve to be humans
Friend: I like dat
Friend: Can I put this on my status
Me: Sure
Me: Liars ain't humans
Me: They're flipping animals.
Friend: Don't u lie
Me: Nope
Friend: Okay.... how
Me: Uh... just tell the truth
Me: Maybe to parents, not the WHOLE truth but I don't lie
Me: Just be honest
Friend: Sounds so simple
Me: Basically if you have some sort of respect or love someone then you won't lie to them
Me: For example, my friends. I never lie to them because I clearly love them and don't want to lose friends... soooo
Friend: Thank you
Me: Np :)
Me: Jk. You're not an animal if you lie. I can't stand liars that's why.
After that, he put up other people's opinions on his status and I replied to some of those as well.
Here, I think the girl said people lie because they don't want to face the consequences of saying the truth. And here is what I replied to that -
Me: She's right though. Like generally, since I was 9, I didn't lie. But lately, I've found myself wanting to lie and I sometimes do. But the fact that I want to is because of what she said. I don't want to face consequences and hardships that may come. Because, before I never did something that I would need to lie about in order to not get in trouble. But now that I'm wanting to take risks and being independent, as a typical teenager, I find myself making plans to do something and planning to lie about it afterward.
Like she said, we need to kinda control it. Yes, lying is bad but is not telling the whole truth also bad?
I mean if your parents don't say PLEASE BE HONEST OR something like that. Maybe they just ask what happened and you say something true that's part of the story.
Is that entirely lying? Soo yea control it :)
I mean if your parents don't say PLEASE BE HONEST OR something like that. Maybe they just ask what happened and you say something true that's part of the story.
Is that entirely lying? Soo yea control it :)
(I know I typed too much but it's a good thing to think about.)
Then here I think someone else asked how you can stop people from lying to you and that you can't. Here is what I replied -
Me: To stop people from lying, I tell them that we should be honest with each other. You both need to share similar values to sustain a friendship. Tell the person that you don't like lying and you won't be friends with liars. Say it in a calming way. And say that you'll be completely honest and are willing to share your stories truthfully if they are also ready to do the same.
If they say yes then betray you, then you know they were shitty people and they can waltz out of your life because who needs them?
Now I'm going to add more to what I said and justify my opinions. This is an important subject and one of the ones I feel strongly about, so I'll try my best to not use any offensive words that are generally used to express raw emotion. I'll also be completely honest with my thoughts :)
Initially, as a joke I said people that lie don't deserve to be humans. That's obviously banter but that line of banter thinking came about through the fact that if you love someone, why would you lie to them?
As humans, the only species capable of feeling countless numbers of emotions at the same time, we experience the feeling of love and trust. We want to entrust our thoughts and whole being to someone that wouldn't use that information against us. Essentially, we want friends and people around us that wouldn't lie to us about serious things. If it's banter, then make it clear that it's banter by indicating that you're joking afterward, otherwise don't say what you don't mean because it'll be held against you in the future.
Lies lead to more lies. It becomes uncontrollable. Most people choose not to trust anyone altogether, but that eventually becomes unhealthy. We all, at least once in our lives, need someone we trust to talk to about our problems. It's unhealthy to keep it all in for prolonged periods of time.
In addition to my reply to him, now that I think about it, I wouldn't consider people that lie to you "shitty people". It's nobler to think of it as people you didn't exactly click or flow with; you just weren't meant to be any sort of relationship so you can't really get along. In that case then move on because those people will find others whom they won't lie to, meaning not everyone is made to interact/ wholly get along with everyone.
I'll now ask a couple of my friends their thoughts and later draw a conclusion on my thoughts.
1) Why do people lie?
Person 1:To protect themselves
Person 2: To avoid consequences
Person 3: I think people lie because it's our natural tendency to do so. If you're asking about the reasons why people lie, then it's basically just to hide the truth. Whether they had good or bad intentions to do so, it's really just to hide the truth. And sometimes, the lies that people tell aren't just limited by words. I think I got to understand this thought clearer in a conference I went to. The speaker did a good job explaining that and I think my friends and I, as a group, discussed the reasons really well.
Person 4: Okay why do people lie, you ask? I think people would lie because of various reasons, one of them is because they are scared of the outcomes. Let's say a student forgets to do their homework and/or project for school and they have to present it the next day. That student would most probably lie to the teacher giving an excuse because they don't want to get in trouble or, simply put, get a zero as their mark. Also, people lie because they are so focused on what other people would think of them. For example, suppose a group of friends is going out and it's late at night. Jake decides to hang out with them as well. Cool. But his friends then go and get some drinks and smoke or something, and Jake saw all this yet did not participate. Then he comes home with Luke, a guy who had smoked and drank and is also Jake's close friend. When he reaches home, Luke's parents ask Jake why their son is drunk and smells like tobacco. Being under the pressure of not wanting to get Luke in trouble and wanting to maintain the friendship, Jake lies and makes up a story of how this happened. So yeah people lie bcuz they are under peer pressure, fear the outcomes or just want to get away with "bad actions."
2) Do you lie?
Person 1: Yes
Person 2: Yes
Person 3: Man, the real question is who doesn't, right? I don't like lying much to people, but sometimes lies often slip out when I wanna hide something about myself. For real though, I'd rather be clever with my words and stay true while trying to avoid saying the truth than completely lie about something. I know, I know, half-truths are kinda bad in its own way, but it's not a lie at least. Still, lies scare me 'cause I am scared of being caught doing so.
Person 4: Yes I have lied countless times before. Sadly, the second example of Luke is very similar to a situation that I have been in with my cousin and it did not go well. Also, I have lied to certain teachers (although I don't do this often) about assignments and homework that I haven't accomplished. I try my best not to do it though and always to repent of it. The main thing is that I don't live in lies and don't constantly lie but always look, to tell the truth.
3) What are your thoughts on lying?
Person 1: It's not the best characteristic but we are human and we do lie.
Person 2: It's not a good thing to do, but it's tempting to do so.
Person 3: I can't think of anything else but that it's just a mask to hide the truth. The case about whether it's good or bad for many different situations is a long debate that's been going on for probably centuries so I'd rather not go there right now. If there's no situation specified, I can't really generalize it to one specific thing. What's interesting though is that Jesus never lied with his words or about Himself and what He was feeling. That's always something crazy and mind-blowing to think about.
Person 4: I kinda mentioned this indirectly all in detail above but I think lies are lies. That's it. There are no white lies or black lies, small lies or big lies, short lies or tall lies. You get the point. I think lies are as sinful and disgusting as being a female harasser. Thus, I put my best effort to not lie and to simply tell the truth no matter the outcome.
4) How would you react when you find out someone lied to you?
Person 1: I would be hurt but also angry.
Person 2: Mad or sad
Person 3: It depends on the lie and who's telling it, really. But okay, let's say it's a friend or just anyone really close to me. If it's one simple little lie, I wouldn't be too bothered and I'd forgive that person if they confessed to me about it, cause' that's what God does. Now that I think about it... If they didn't confess and I just happened to find it out myself, it would bother me a little. So I guess I would confront them about it. If it's lying to protect me, I'd actually be touched, but there will probably be a point where it will irk me and I'd want to know the truth.
If it's lying about something big, or maybe a situation, then that would be more complicated. The thing about me is that I'm too understanding and I try to see good in people most of the time. If I loved the person who lied to me, I would blame myself first which isn't really the best thing to do unless I really had something to do with it. But if I can't really take doing that anymore and woke up from my own lies my own brain will make about myself, then I'd confront the person about it. If that person actually came clean, made me understand why they did it, and said sorry in their sincerest way, I would forgive them. But yeah, if they didn't, it'll be hard to deal with that.
The decisions depend on the situations, but I guess the main thing here is that I'd be hurt. It's either they didn't trust me enough to handle the truth, or they're just plain not the person I thought they were. So it's either they lied during the moment for reasons, or they've been lying about themselves since the very beginning.
Person 4: I would personally deep down be hurt (although it wouldn't even last for 3 days). But out of all the times, someone has lied to me and I have caught them, I gave them another chance and forgave them. Obviously, I don't like it when people lie to me but nonetheless, I love them and forgive them. :)
5) How can you stop people from lying to you?
Person 1: Being truthful to yourself.
Person 2: Be honest yourself
Person 3: There are quite a few bible verses where it says, "Treat others as you want to be treated." It took me way too long to realize how well this works. I only found how true this is last year. One example I could say is how I became close friends with someone. She's the first-ever person I was able to open so much too because she opened up to me. She trusted me with her thoughts, and because of that, I trusted her with mine. Because of that trust, I could see how much honesty she was willing to drop on me. So when there was a time that I lied to her to protect her, I couldn't keep it in too long because it literally made me feel terrible to betray that trust, even if I had good intentions. When I had told her about that lie a week after I lied to her, I made her understand why I said whatever I said, and ever since then, we haven't been able to lie to each other. In a way, because of that, we've become incapable of betraying that trust. If we ever lied to each other, it'd be somewhat easy to tell. Although I'm pretty sure there are truths we are keeping from each other, if it's not brought up, then it's not a lie. It's just a truth that's not ready to be said. But yeah, all I'm saying is there has to be that mutual understanding, love, and trust if you don't want to be lied to.
I think understanding someone in their vulnerability is a vital part as well. People won't be able to tell you the truth the next time they become vulnerable if your response makes them feel even worse, unloved, or misunderstood. If there's no understanding and gentleness to your replies, they'll pick up on that. It's like a child that can predict how a usually angry parent will answer. They will have their lies ready when they know they won't be understood and be off the hook unless they say or act out what the parent wants to see in them. But if the parent is there to understand them for who they are and be gentle, but of course also firm and strict when necessary, kids pick up on that as well. They would be more honest and comfortable with their thoughts and dreams to their parents because they know they have a safe place for it. They wouldn't have to lie about anything if they have that trust and understanding built.
Person 4: I guess to show them yourself that you don't live in lies. I would set up an example to them of a truthful, God-centered man and show them that I don't have to lie to get my way through. The truth indeed gets its consequences but in the end, it's what God wants and for all the times I've told the truth in a circumstance where I could've easily lied, God has been gracious and the people have given me a chance.
That's the end of my interviewing :)
To conclude - adding on to what I said earlier about not everyone being made to interact with everyone - we should build sustainable and healthy relationships and so if you find yourself in a relationship with someone that often lies, then don't trust them with your secrets. Look deep into yourself as to why you want to stay friends with them and if you decide to stay friends with them, then don't tell them anything about you that could possibly be used against you in the future. For example, you can tell them you have a crush on someone if it's trivial to you and if you don't mind the person spreading that sort of rumor to the rest of the school if they do choose to spread rumors. So just be careful and wise in your approach!
One more thing, just for clarification, I'll just insert a response to the question I posed earlier in the chat between my friend and I. I said "Yes, lying is bad but is not telling the whole truth also bad? Is that entirely lying?"
It wasn't exactly a question, as I was using that to explain to my friend but I decided to ask Person 3 and here is the response:
This is actually a very challenging question for I got tested by God recently about this ever since you asked. At first, I couldn’t organize my thoughts because I wasn’t sure of the right answers at all, but I’m here now a few days later, trusting that God has revealed to me the answer, otherwise scold me if I am wrong. So now, to answer if half-truths are bad or not, I think depends on the situation. When an adult tells a young child about something that he/she isn't supposed to know, let's say an adult joke or something, the answer would often either be a lie or a half-truth/not the full picture. Now, that's not exactly considered a bad thing as you are protecting the child from knowing such information until he/she is of the right age to understand them fully. However, I feel it is always better not to tell a whole truth than a straight-up lying when it comes to protecting someone for their own good. For example, when a child asks, “how are babies made” or “where do they come from,” saying babies come from storks is a complete and utter lie than saying that God has chosen to bless the parents with a child. Obviously, sex is necessary to create babies but it was left out of the picture. So even though the full explanation was not said, God created babies first anyway. A simple explanation that contains truth can shape the kid's thoughts/trust towards a parent even until they grow up.
Now, it says in the Ten Commandments, "Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor." It's interesting how it didn't say, "thou shalt not lie." In a court, people can do many things to hide the truth, even without lying, right? Put the guilty or the false witness on a lie detector and they can technically say nothing but the truth, but it can be cheated on by being selective of what truth they chose to relay. That’s why in a court or process of a trial, there are interrogators and prosecutors to ask questions that would help get the whole truth out. That can be embodied through the rebuke of pastors, parents, and anyone who recognizes the hidden sin, but the important thing to watch out for is if they are placed by God to do so. Anyway, if it's hiding something bad/otherwise not presentable about yourself to save yourself, then yes it's a bad thing. Doing so will add to/drag out a problem that could have otherwise been solved quickly. And since it is a half-truth or not the whole truth, rather than it is lying, it's being deceitful. The word “deceitful” is a synonym of the word “liar”, but its other synonyms are insincere, untrustworthy, cunning, sly, scheming, misleading, and many others. It’s more than just lying. If whoever you are hiding things from does not ask you about something negative about you/something that you’ve done, but is directly related to them and their trust towards you, then hiding it from them will make you deceitful and all its synonyms. If and when your parents demand the whole truth and you avoid doing so, it is not just being deceitful but also being disobedient. A very important reminder for our everyday lives is that God knows everything that is hidden within our hearts. If you are not sure of what is good and what is bad concerning the lies that you make, especially selective honesty, then pray/talk to Him about it and let Him judge you for every move you chose to make. The safest thing is to sincerely and honestly repent to Him and make things right when your conscience cannot take holding guilt to something you have done, lest you be stubborn and let Him reveal it to the world unpleasantly before you without your control, making it a harder to reverse. If you are being deceitful towards God himself... it won't be pretty. For the truth will reveal itself one way or another, through honesty or justice. Nothing is a secret before God.
A good mentality to have is Psalm 51:4 which says “Against You, You only, I have sinned And done what is evil in Your sight So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.” God is a God of judgment and righteousness, and fearing Him is one way to stop lying. I feel like if you are remorseful of just any sin in general, and you wish to be right with God but circumstances and pride make it hard for you to do so, the first step is to fully trust Him with that problem. Fear that He can judge you, but also trust that He loves you and wants you to be purified. Pray for him to find ways for you to get out and to conquer the sins he wants you to conquer because you cannot change at all without His help.
Although some of you may not be religious or a Christian, I feel like there's something for everyone. In general, lying to others creates trust issues and boundaries. So in conclusion, "Treat others as you want to be treated". If you don't want people to lie to you, then start by not lying to them. If it's a problem you face then ask God to help you. And/or if you don't believe in religion, then just talk to your friends and explain the problem you face and ask them to help you. As your friends, if you ever slip, they'd forgive and also give you tips and just generally help you. Don't try to fight it on your own. In addition, don't blow out and act rash if someone lies to you because you may do the same in the future and would want to be forgiven. Don't also make them feel inferior or horrible, as that will hinder their future actions in confessing their thoughts to you; they won't be able to talk freely or be confident in confessing to you about a lie they told. Most certainly talk to them and/or rebuke them, and if you choose to not be friends with them then that's fine, but don't hold a grudge and just forgive. Holding grudges are tiring anyways, and let them know that you forgive them and are there for them.
Anyways hope this blog gave you an insight into some things! Be wise and stay humble!
Blogger note: Sorry for taking so long with this. I'll do my best to upload regularly from now! Thank you for being patient and feel free to start a debate in the comments below! Don't forget to share your thoughts as I'd love to know what other people think about lying!
"A relationship without trust is like a cell phone with no service, all you can do is play games."
Never forget that you're loved 💖
Credits:
A new friend (14 yrs old) as person 1
A good artistic friend (Both 14 yrs old) as person 3 - check out her YouTube channel and Instagram account
A good artistic friend (Both 14 yrs old) as person 3 - check out her YouTube channel and Instagram account
And my cool little child, awesome friend (15 yrs old) as person 4
And lastly me of course :) (16 yrs old in a month) - follow me on instagram and/or snapchat @ chx_s if you wanna talk :)
And lastly me of course :) (16 yrs old in a month) - follow me on instagram and/or snapchat @ chx_s if you wanna talk :)
- By Teenagehood Misfits 💙
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