Outlets

Heyy long time no see! (이봐요, 오랜만이에요!)

You're probably confused by the title "outlets". I haven't posted for 2 months and all of a sudden, I show up with a random title like that.

Well, this is kinda like a rant to express what's on my mind right now and this may also express why I haven't posted in 2 months.

However, the main reason I haven't posted in 2 months is, of course, due to the ever-increasing workload and no time to carry out my grand personal ideas.

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Before I go on, allow me to define an outlet.

One definition is "an opening or passage by which anything is let out; vent; exit."

Essentially, an outlet is where things pass through. An outlet could be drainage or sewer.
Or, "a means of expressing one's talents, energy, or emotions".
In this case, for some people, their outlet is through something they love like art or sports.

A lot of people talk about outlets often whether it be an emotional outlet or something similar. And an outlet is essentially a platform where things are released into/ unto. For example, a friend could be an outlet or an online platform could be an outlet.

Now, why am I talking about this?

Well, a close friend of mine recently told me she was going to make a new private Instagram account as an "outlet". Mind you, my friend has already made like 5 private Instagram accounts over the years for that reason.

So I, of course, asked her why she's making another when she already has loads.. and she said it's because the others are crowded. She said a lot of people are already following her other accounts so she needs another place to release and share want she wants to the people she wants to see them.

I thought about it for a while and realized that I completely relate to what she means.

You see, things always somehow end up in an unexpected way despite it being in our control. And sometimes we don't realize it.

Like her, I've made accounts before but I deleted them because I couldn't keep up with multiple accounts. And I made them for the purpose of releasing things, however, at some point, everything becomes unbearable.

At some point, you start accepting people into your life (follow requests) without knowing why to the point where you're suffocating. You can't be yourself anymore. You can't post your weird content. You can no longer speak your mind freely. 

This could be for a variety of reasons. It could be judgment perhaps or not wanting to share things that aren't meant for everyone else to see. Things that only a few trusted people are allowed to see.

This blogging account somehow turned into that for me. 

I still rant in my daily life, because that's part of me, however, I don't post often. I want to share but I can't. 50% of the reason is of course because I have a high standard set for myself and I want my blog to be "professional" in the way I want but striving for that made me forget the essence of this blog.

It was made to release my thoughts hence the name. It's called "misfits" for a reason. Nothing is meant to fit into a box or to meet a certain standard.

It's supposed to be ragged, craggy, jagged and everything ranging from uneven to even.

So I need to remind myself that this place was originally a place to dump broken glass, regardless of whether the culprits of the broken glass can see it. I should freely release without trying to please in the process. 

(Note: I'm not saying standards or rules per se are bad. I like rules and rules, for me, help me stay organized. What I meant is that that you and I shouldn't let it restrict us to the point where we can't do anything anymore. It is possible for example to have a high standard for something but still stay sane in the process. Knowing when to let go and diverge is important.)

Now back to the Instagram anecdote, I also realized that I felt the same way as her about my account too.

I almost became unhappy with it because that too strayed away from its essence. I began to uphold it to standards that I myself didn't want - public image almost became a focus.

And one may say, well that's the point of a close friends list but even that too becomes crowded and confused. That too ends up not making sense. 

And as a person who finds themself leaning more towards the feeling type of the personality spectrum (MBTI), of course, it's hard to just erase it all or remove people. 

There is always a justification for every action. In some situations, it's almost as if selflessness becomes toxic.

Right so what am I trying to say? Outlets. Personal outlets. Emotional outlets. And all the different kinds of outlets. One should regulate them. This links in with self-care / emotional care and emotional intelligence. 

We (and I) should pay attention to how we feel and how we change. We should monitor our shifts in mood and keep track of what causes it. We should note down our principles and see if we stray away from them and find the cause.

It shouldn't get to a point where an outlet is no longer an outlet because you can't release most things there anymore.

Now I'm going to use a gross example, because if I'm being myself then I, of course, have to say what comes to mind. And a gross one just did🤣.

But imagine this - humans poop. Right so imagine you need to poop and this is all controlled by your digestive system. (Don't quote me on this). Anyway, now imagine your body decides to only release half the poop. 

It's meant to go past the rectum and into the toilet bowl. Your rectum is the outlet. And you have a lot of things stuck in there but your body decides to not release anything.

You will, of course, get sick. An example is irritable bowel syndrome which can be caused due to all the pent up gas.

Anyway, so you will get sick. And you, of course, will find a way to relieve yourself and to feel better.

Now, if we're going to take care of our physical state by doing all we can, then why not do the same for your emotional state or mental state.

If you need an outlet, a rectum or a toilet then get one. And make sure to use it too. Don't let yourself become sick or emotionally unstable. 

And once you find out why you're sick, you will try to avoid repeating those actions for example, you may avoid certain foods. In the same way, don't put your mental state in such situations where you will be sick again. You have to avoid the triggers. Don't go near it. Cut it off.

I'm sure my tenses keep changing and I keep changing pronouns but I don't care. At this point, my English can't be saved so let's ignore that.

But when I use "you", I'm also talking to myself too because I need to hear it.

In general, don't let things lose their meaning and essence. And listen to yourself if you want to better understand and take care of yourself.

Anyway, there's no crime in restarting my goal of 1 post (at least) at the end of each month so I shall start again. Let's just say February and March was an impromptu hiatus.

However, this time I won't hold myself to 1 at the end of each month. That's the standard I set for myself but if I decide to post more since I want to be open, then I'll probably end up with more than 1 post each month. But I won't force myself to do that either, and realistically speaking it may not be possible since more deadlines seem to be popping out of nowhere.

Now to close, I usually end with a quote but I can't think of anything so I shall end with something that popped into my mind. I think this is relevant too.

Rather than, "conceal, don't feel, don't let it show", we should... "reveal; feel; let it show".
That doesn't flow at all but you get the gist.

"Let. It. Go."

Never forget that you're loved💖

Stay safe! And practice social distancing, please!

- By Teenagehood Misfits 💙