Echoes of an Advocate #5

Analyzing my unfinished poems

Hey there, 

As you can see from the title, I found a couple of unfinished pieces of poetry. Sometimes I end up writing a few lines or just a stanza. I read through some of them and chuckled because I felt like I got into the mind of the person aka me then and it was amusing.

So, I've decided to share :D

The way I'm gonna structure it is by writing out the poem with the date. And underneath I'll attempt to analyze it or try to figure out what was going on in my head. Or basically, just give a commentary.

Before I go on, I just wanted to say that I do have a couple of things planned to post but I'll need to do some research so they're on the back burner. I've also always felt like everything I post should be insightful in some way but I realized it doesn't really need to be - thanks to Ali & Taimur Abdaal for that reminder. (Check out their podcast 'Not Overthinking'. Links at the end of this blog post).

Anyway, so I've decided to post what I want without thinking about its value to you. Different things can be of value to anyone and if I start thinking about what the audience wants, then I'll lose sight of the purpose of this blog because I didn't create it to satisfy an 'audience'. I created it for myself.

Right, so now a table of contents. Just so I can keep track of which unfinished poems I have chosen to share.

Contents

1. BTS & Army
2. The feeling of getting lost in a book
3. Other worlds?
4. Ehhh
5. Ummm
6. 'Untitled'
7. Hm idk

As I was going through listing them out, I realized I was including finished poems too. I ended up taking those out but I think I should make separate posts about the finished ones because some of them are hilarious considering the timeline and knowing that I wrote it. In my opinion, those are too good to not share. (And of course, there are some poems where you could say it's debatable whether it's unfinished. I left those ones out.)

Also, a friend told me some of the things I write seem like prose and a lot of them don't really follow the structure of a poem. Well, I know some of you might decide to look out for that and feel free to do so, for future 'poems' too, but I think I'll just call them a 'creative piece of work' for the sake of it. 

At school, I learned about structure and all that, but I decided to abandon those rules whenever I wrote mine because I was merely expressing myself.

Now, unto the unfinished creative pieces of work. Let's have a good laugh (or cry) together :D

BTS & Army

They make the food

And we devour it

What could be a better relationship 

Than what we already have

Dated => 2nd Sept 2020

I have friends who love BTS / are Army's so I decided to put this in here. Funnily enough, this is the only BTS-related creative piece of work that I have, excluding stories of course.

I guess I never really felt compelled to write about them? They say it all through their music anyway but I'm sure I will write about them at some point.

Now, you're probably wondering what the thing I wrote means?

Well, I'm not sure, to be honest. The date doesn't ring a bell so I don't think anything in particular happened. I do know that BTS love their fans so much and they never fail to seize the opportunity to remind Army's that they're loved. I'm pretty sure this poem was meant to expand into that so whatever I've written might be misunderstood.

To put it plainly, I guess I was saying that BTS themselves do most of the work. I don't mean to undermine the work Army does because they do THE MOST. However, from a personal point of view, I felt like a consumer. I didn't put in the work like other Army's were doing to give back to BTS hence I said 'they make the food' and basically I 'devour it'. I guess at that time I consumed a lot of BTS-related content and didn't feel like I was doing much to increase their growth, so yeah.

A lot of us are consumers in some way anyway.

Moreover, I guess the last 2 lines are basically my way of saying I like it 😂. I like that I don't need to work to get the food. I won't lie to you, I just want to be fed and not have to work, to be honest, but that's not how life works.

Anyway, on to the next ->

The feeling of being lost in a book

Picking it up from your bed stand

Not knowing what to expect

Opening the first page

Inhaling dust as you flip

Dated => 13th November 2018

This is self-explanatory but there's something magical about it. I guess it's the imagery.

I don't really read books anymore, not since A levels anyway. But I guess I occasionally found myself wanting to buy books even though I knew I probably won't ever read them.

I do want to read more though and I'm working on that, but I love the smell of new books. There are some odd smells I like and one of them is the smell of new books. I think the smell of really old books too.

I guess this creative piece of work is about an old book since there's dust on it. I can't say whether I was talking about a particular book or which book it was. I could guess though but I'm not sure.

On to the next ->

Other worlds?

We all live double lives

A life with different actions

Knowing different people

Having different thoughts 

Coming home each day

Wondering what's next

What would happen if

One life disappeared

I've 

Dated => 19th October 2018

As you can see, it's clearly unfinished. I don't know what else I was going on to say.

I was confused about the context but I just checked what day that was and I guess it makes sense. 19th was a Friday, which meant I went to church at some point in the day. As usual, I probably spent my time observing people and I guess the thing I wrote was me putting my observations down in some way.

In that context, the first sorta stanza makes sense. However, I can't quite make out what the second stanza means.

Also in my calendar, it shows that I had an exam that day too. But I don't think that aids my understanding of the second stanza in any way.

I guess the bottom line is why the thought of a life disappearing popped into my head? I guess I could infer that if someone died after writing an exam, then having written that exam would've been pointless. I could've been thinking about how a lot of things in life would become meaningless if one were to just die but I don't think this poem was about something like that.

I have a lot of sad/dark poems and I feel like this wasn't it. Other than that though, I really can't say what that second stanza means so I guess it's open to interpretation and how you choose to link it to the previous one.

Next ->

Ehhh

All this time I been wondering why you act like this

All this time I been wondering what specie you are

Dated => 24th September 2018

Lmao - very funny indeed. That's all I can think of to say to this 😂

Judging from the date, 24th is a friend's birthday but I don't think it has anything to do with that. However, when I check my calendar, it shows that 24th was a school day.

My guess is that this was related to something I saw in school. I'm speculating that it has to do with someone specific but I won't go further into that 😂 But for me to wonder what species said person was, that must've been something. 

On the other hand though, after reading the first line, you might not think it's comical in any way. I mean in all seriousness, it could have been something genuinely proper.

I interpreted it as comical because I usually question what species a person is in a comical sense but I think I have questioned that in a real sense where I couldn't understand the nonsensical thing someone had done. 

But since there are only 2 lines, I can't really say more. For now, I think it was meant to be comical, but interpret it how you want. Also, seeing as I couldn't think of a title and just called it that, it probably wasn't anything serious.

Next ->

Ummm

I'm finding it hard to contain this love we once shared, 

God knows where it all went wrong, 

and I know that no one is to blame because, 

it was just a matter of time before we both fell out 

Dated => 23rd September 2018

I can guess and speculate all I want but I think this is quite clear. There's nothing much to say about this, however, my guess is that it's about the same person I wrote about a few blog posts ago.

Next ->

'Untitled' -> I didn't give this a title.

Sudden news breaks out

Announcing the death

Of yet another person

Lost to depression and suicide

It makes me wonder

Why does life have to be difficult?

Why do people have to be mean?

Why can't everything be peaceful?

As I ponder these questions

I can't help the escaping teardrops

Longing for a way

To be free of sadness

Dated => 14 October 2019

I never gave this one a title so that's that.

Judging from the title, I'm guessing this was related to another person in the kpop industry dying to suicide. 

I just checked my Instagram posts and yes, this was about Sulli :(

Next ->

Hm idk

Don't you dare

You have to share

I said to my brother

Who didn't care

His stingy ass

Dated => 31st August 2020

Lol,😂 I don't know why this is incomplete; I was clearly onto something. A masterpiece would've been born. I'll consider finishing this if the inspiration comes back😂

But yes, this is self-explanatory. I can't tell which of my brothers it was about though. At first, I thought it was my youngest brother but now that I think more about it, I'm not sure.

Anyway, that's it!

I just realized that only 2 of those were peri-pandemic and the others were pre-pandemic.

Also, I'm aware that I used texting abbreviations but only because this is a casual post. I wasn't bothered to be professional but if you don't understand them, then look it up. I still often have to look up abbreviations because I don't understand half of what Gen Alpha's and some Gen Z's use these days.

(Yeah I actually had to look up what generation is after Gen Z's. I guess we will have some beta and gamma rays coming soon😁)

I hope you enjoyed that/ liked it in some way! I'll post more in the future if this was interesting enough for you :)

I don't really write poems (aka creative pieces of work) much these days because I really can't think of anything to write. So, I decided it's better to not force it and write when inspiration arises.

I'll have more posts coming soon in the future so look forward to those! I didn't expect to have a post in the month following my previous one but I guess that's what happens when I don't restrict myself to a schedule!

Anyway, I hope you have a great week ahead! :))

Stay safe! Wear a mask, sanitize, and social distance! Let's get through this together!

"Poetry has become one of the most underutilized, and underestimated mediums in modern culture."

Never forget that you're loved💖 

- By Teenagehood Misfits💙

P.S. As promised, the link to Ali and Taimur's podcast! On the website, you can see the different mediums you can listen to it on :))

Not Overthinking - Ali & Taimur's podcast